like luke warm angels

digging my nails into my skin is the closest i can get to that familiar sting on my flesh. the burn i've know for far too long and far too well. i was so young then - i see that now - but at my lowest of lows that comforting pain was easily my best and most loyal friend.

it's just that, sometimes we do things to remind ourselves of who we are.

i want to be reminded of who i was - but i dont want to be that person. so tearing at my skin and scratching at my surfaces is my grown up way of being vulnerable to my own body.

its hard to find someone who is as constant as that reassuring pain was.

thanks for teaching me how to feel, i'm not ashamed anymore.